Valentine’s Day is here again. Love is in the air. Cupid’s arrows are flying all over the place. Red hearts are in abundance. People are expressing their love in different ways. It’s no wonder that Valentine’s Day is one of the most popular days for marriage proposals according to Wedding Wire.
Yes, many people around the world choose Valentine’s Day to propose to their future spouses. Love is in the air, so why not take advantage and put your love footprints on the Day with a wedding proposal? Proposals are usually a big affair. A lot of time, money, and effort goes into planning the perfect proposal. But even before the proposal, there is the expensive matter of an engagement ring to be presented at the proposal. Usually, proposals come with a diamond engagement ring. The larger the diamond, the better, right? These rings can break the bank, so this is not a matter taken lightly especially by the proposer who buys the ring.
So the proposal goes off without a hitch, she/he said, ‘yes’! Now the proposee/recipient is walking around with a new piece of jewellery on their finger, more like flashing their ring finger at every opportunity to show off their new symbolic piece of jewellery. It is a symbol of what is to come – the marriage. It is a preliminary agreement, an agreement to enter into a marriage contract in the future (hopefully, the very near future because who wants a long engagement that drags on for years?).
But the status of the engagement ring has been the subject of letters to agony aunts across the world. The question being, should the ring be returned if the relationship ends before a marriage takes place? Who keeps the engagement ring after a breakup?
As we know, not all engagements culminate in a marriage. Things can happen between the day of engagement and the day scheduled for the marriage to be contracted. And then it’s all over. The relationship ends. The wedding is called off. And depending on how far along they got in the planning, invited guests and event contractors must be informed. But then there’s the little matter of the ring. In the old days, under certain circumstances, one could take an action to court for breach of a promise to marry. We do not have that anymore. Instead, injured parties try to get restitution by demanding a return of gifts given in anticipation of the marriage, including the engagement ring.
So what’s the right thing to do with the engagement ring if the wedding is called off? Do you return the ring or keep it and convert it for profit?
The answers from agony aunts are just as varied as the answers from the courts. Yes, believe it or not, people have landed in court on the foot of broken engagements and engagement rings because some rings cost a fortune. Anyway, the courts that have dealt with this issue are not in agreement as to whether the engagement ring is a gift, free of all encumbrances, or whether it is a conditional gift. In some jurisdictions, the engagement ring is a conditional gift, a gift that is not final until some condition is met, in this case, the wedding. Where the engagement ring is a conditional gift, then the party who gave the ring (the proposer) is entitled to have it back should the engagement be broken.
But, even amongst jurisdictions that hold the engagement ring to be a conditional gift, there is no agreement when it comes to fault for the break up. In some jurisdictions, the proposer and giver of the ring gets it back if the proposee/receiver was the one who broke off the engagement. That means that the proposee/receiver gets to keep the ring if it was the proposer/giver who broke off the engagement or did something to cause the breakup. In other jurisdictions, it doesn’t matter who broke off the engagement, the proposer/giver gets the ring back. Affairs of the heart are never easy. As you can see, even the courts come to it with some difficulty.
All of that law-speak aside, what do you do with the engagement ring? Do you return it or keep it and convert it for profit?
The answer: you return it. Yes! That seems to be the more popular position. The engagement ring is generally (more often than not) regarded as a conditional gift. It is a gift conditioned on a future marriage, therefore, no marriage, no ring. Proper etiquette demands that the ring must be returned if the marriage does not proceed. If the marriage is fully contracted, then the gifting is complete and a subsequent breakup is of no consequence where the ring is concerned.
But what about other gifts that were received in the course of the relationship and during the engagement? What happens to those if the marriage does not proceed? Well, the most lawyerly answer is: it depends! A gift must not be returned unless it was specifically tied to the agreement to marry. Where the gift is specifically predicated on the future marriage, it must be returned if the marriage does not take place.
Of course, as with many rules, there are exceptions which will depend on where you are in the world. Exceptions can be fault-based, ie., the one whose actions caused the breakup loses any claim to the ring.
As already stated, it is good etiquette to return the ring if the relationship ends before marriage. However, for those planning to spend 12 months salary on an engagement ring, or part with a family heirloom in the name of love, please discuss with a lawyer to confirm whether an engagement ring is a conditional or unconditional gift where you live, and how to legally condition a gift on a marriage.
Happy Valentine’s Day! ♥️
