I find that we don’t talk about money enough. We can talk about all kinds of things in the different relationships that we are in, but the issue of money is something that is often put off for as long as possible. In some instances, talking about money is considered gauche. But I think it is important for all of us to learn how to advocate for ourselves, which includes talking about money especially in relationships of trust where we often allow the trust we have in the party we are dealing with to cloud our judgment.
On March 24, the US celebrated Equal Pay Day – a day set aside to raise awareness about the gender pay gap. In America, women are paid 82 cents for every dollar paid to a man. And for Black women, the figures are a more dismal 63 cents for every dollar paid to a white man. This disparity in pay also impacts women’s retirement because they contribute less toward their retirement. So yes, we need to be about our money. Being able to talk about it, plan for and with it, and hold on to it to promote our interests.
I have heard too many stories of women being short-changed in their personal relationships because they did not talk about money with their significant others. Last year, actress Tisha Campbell shocked fans when she revealed that she had seven dollars…yes, you read that right…$7 to her name after her divorce from Duane Martin in 2018. At the time of the divorce there were reports of a bankruptcy scam, hidden assets, etc. To hear that Tisha Campbell was left with $7 to her name at the end of her 22-year marriage was shocking especially because for some part of that marriage she was starring in the successful sitcom Martin. Campbell leveled allegations of abuse, misappropriation of funds, and even fraud against her ex-husband Martin, so one can only imagine the circumstances under which she lost control of the money she earned during her run on the show, Martin.
Sadly, Campbell’s story is all too common. I have heard enough stories about women who are left with nothing at the end of their relationships whether through a breakup or death. And this is largely due to the fact that we do not talk about our money expectations in the relationship. Ideally, the discussion about money should come early in the relationship, just like we talk about favourite foods and dream destinations, we should be comfortable talking about money and our money expectations in the relationship.
Whether you are dating, cohabiting, or planning to get married, money is an important part of the relationship and should therefore be part of your love language. What are your expectations? What are your attitudes towards money? What are your individual relationships with money and are they compatible? How do your money goals match? What are your expectations of each other? If you are in one household, how will the household expenses be paid? What about shared experiences like travel and dining out? It’s important that the couple is on the same page where money is concerned and the only way to be on the same page is to ask questions and talk openly and candidly about money.
The money conversation does not have to start solemnly. Start simple. Keep it light and easy, but when you start to acquire joint assets that’s very serious business, so be sure to get independent professional advice to protect your individual interest. They say love is blind, but keep your eye on your money.
