BUSINESS
Lessons from Negotiating with the L.E.
My son, aka the Lord Emperor (LE), is a deal-maker. I don’t like to hear the words, “Mama, let’s make a deal.” It often means he wants something that is prohibited. If you want to see his face light up, all you have to say is, “Are you up for a deal?”
Being Mama, I try to use this to my advantage. I want him to practice his reading, he wants to watch cartoons. I want him to eat “proper” food, he wants to drink garri. I want him to put on a jumper, he thinks it is too hot for a jumper. For the most part, our desires are in total conflict with each other. Sometimes I stand firm, no room for negotiation, amidst protests of, “You’re not the boss of me.” Other times I give in to negotiating a deal that we can both be happy with. Often, I am pleased with the outcome – he is happy and so am I, a win/win. But there are times when I have been sorely disappointed – after spending five minutes trying to reach an agreement, we end up with nothing! “No deal, Mama.”
Here is what I have learned.
- Be perceptive – everyday is different. Not every day is a good day for negotiation. If you decide that the moment is ripe for negotiation, have you done your homework? What is the current bait? I have learned the hard way that some days offering sweets is not enough to get us both to a happy place. You cannot imagine how crushing it feels when you think that you are dangling something irresistible and then the other party responds with, “Sorry, not interested.” Yes, the LE has refused some of what I thought were my best offers with those very words.
- Timing – follows from the first point. Again, not every day is a good day for negotiation.
- Listen more – the more you talk, the more desperate you come off. Put out the offer and then wait. Listen to what the other party has to say, consider it, gauge their tone to determine whether you are making progress and how committed to the process the other party is.
- Remain calm – even kids can smell a weak position. Don’t get exasperated, even when it feels like you are not making progress, maintain an even tone of voice. It may just be the wrong time to make a deal. Tomorrow is another day.
- Have a minimum acceptable outcome – sometimes I have to dangle multiple baits before the LE bites. Sometimes I make an offer and he comes back with a counteroffer demanding more than I am willing to give. When he is really in the mood for negotiating, the counteroffer is accompanied by his best cutesy tactics, puppy eyes and all. But I stay strong!
The objective is to get to a win/win position. What will make both parties happy? The deal must be sweet for both parties; bear in mind that some days the other party will not bite at what you are offering and that is okay, don’t take it personal; AND, know when to walk away.
